“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” David Augsburger

I have learned a few things in my dating life that I thought I would write down for the young-ins.

First thing is, it takes a few dates to get to know someone. In my estimation, it takes about 5 dates to figure out if a person is the kind of person you want to spend a good amount of time with. Once that is established, it’s important to find out what the other person needs, if you haven’t already. This can be an awkward discussion, but it is critical to have this talk in the beginning. Go ahead and ask them: “What kind of relationship are you looking for right now?”

Most people don’t want to ask this question because they are afraid of what the answer might be. Fear ruins everything.

You can’t love someone unless you know what they need. Period. You can’t truthfully say that you love a person, in the sense that you can take care of them, unless you know what that means for them. You might have strong feelings for them, they might make you deliriously happy, but if you don’t know what they need or want, you can’t really love them, and you are not ready for any kind of partnership, much less a commitment.

Having said that, let’s move on to cheating. This word has to be my least favorite relationship word. It implies that someone has set a black and white boundary line and the other partner has crossed it intentionally. What an awful thing this is. I love the way I heard it put on Dr. Phil a few years back: A yogi was asked what he would do if he came home and discovered his wife in his bed with another man. He answered, “I would tell them that when they are finished, to please come downstairs, I will make a pot of tea, and we’ll all talk about it.” Why would he do this? Because he wants information. And getting furious will not get him information. Violently injuring someone will not get him information.

Someone who is a victim of cheating will always be a victim as long as they never sit down and have this discussion. A cycle cannot be broken unless one has information needed in order to change it. What could one possibly learn from having a discussion about an infidelity? Most people are too afraid to talk about it, assuming that it will reveal that the partner doesn’t really care about them, doesn’t find them attractive, that they will lose the relationship they have invested so much time and security in, etc. It is a fear of loss that prevents people from talking about their needs generally. But what is there to lose except the mystery around the situation? You cannot solve problems in a void, but with information, you can move from being a victim to being a problem-solver.

And not talking about your needs/problems only perpetuates them and makes them harder to solve. There is a saying that if you are not moving forward up a hill, you are moving backward. That is, by not addressing the shortcomings in your relationship, you think you are really just keeping yourself in a static comfort/safety zone, but actually your relationship is sliding backward. Best to talk things out before you hit rock bottom and have to suffer enormous amounts of stress.

Love means understanding what the other person needs, even if that means hearing that what the other person needs right now is NOT YOU. If you can accept that, that is true love.

Just heard a story about how the industrial stretch of highway 101 south of San Francisco was referred to as the road for people with bigger dreams but less hope. It was in comparison to the more scenic highway 280 which parallels it.

The comment made me think of the current state of America coming out of the industrial age. The industrial age, with its dependence on science and technology, ushered in an era of “prosperity”, in which more people had access to stuff quickly and in bulk. The first “ready-made” clothes came out in America with the help of sewing machines.

And now, highway 101 is lined in industrial buildings, and it is one of the most lifeless, depressing sections of highway I’ve ever traveled, especially compared to 280. People, in their fear and need for security, jump on technologies as their ticket to big money. After all, if a million people buy your t-shirt, or your app, you won’t have to worry about money for a while.

But that ship has run its course, at least in industrial manufacturing of goods in America. The talent today is all over software products, chasing green there. Food products is yet another disgustingly profitable industry. By food products, I mean subsidized mass-produced wheat, corn (HFCS), and soy making their way into sweet and savory food mashups that actually have negative nutritional value but light up the right brain chemicals.

Human ingenuity, when used to create money via products, can be a force for evil if not checked by society. This is why government is necessary. Unfortunately, it is possible today to also buy politicians.

Anyone who gives a damn about our country needs to be alarmed about how our radical experiment in democracy is being decroded by corruption via corporate influence in government and media.

A society must be healthy and educated in order to govern itself freely. Corporate greed has created food products which are making Americans sicker by the minute and more dependent on profit-driven pharmaceuticals, a double-win for corporate interest. Corporations have also become experts at misinformation in the Information Age, creating an unhealthy democracy which also doesn’t know who to trust or listen to. As a result, Americans are becoming more and more divided, as bullshit walls are thrown up to protect oneself. As Abraham Lincoln noted, a divided nation cannot stand.

The world needs us to end corporate corruption. Now. We can start by not giving them our dollars anymore. Buy from your friends and family. Put your money in trusted credit unions. Move your stocks out of businesses which contribute to our ill health and misinformation.

Join me in getting educated about how we can take back our health and our care for one another. We can and must do this. We can’t wait passively any longer. The evidence in favor of total corruption and ultimate union demise is overwhelming. This is the Tipping Point.

Dreams are big but hope is getting smaller. Time to un-industrialize. Turn consciousness back on. Breathe life back into our people and our economy. Restore hope.

Maybe we should just let China produce all the products, do all the large-scale manufacturing.

Perhaps it is a sign of civilization for a country to relinquish inhuman repetitive manufacturing labor and graduate to idea-making and love-infusion.

China wants to make its country a consumer economy, to have its people buy its stuff. Great! Let them!

Gone soon will be the days of ready-wear clothing, cheap knick knacks, products stamped out from molds. The products of the future will be one-of-a-kind customized for specialized needs. We might as well get a jumpstart on this now. What does this look like for you? Who (or what team of people) can make exactly what you need? Go find them, and put them to work. We will save more money in the end in higher quality products and less waste-management. Local money gets reinvested locally. Someone near you has a manufacturing talent you might not even know they have…just ask!

What can YOU make?