My heart is riding on a giant bubble
That's about to burst
With the knowledge of the energy of the universe
That excites itself most in
Lowly creatures
With minds of metal
And intuitions of glory.
More reason than ever
To seek the guidance of that power and its lucid dreams that ripple like waves through our existence,
Dead or alive
All the more reason to celebrate the stupid confidence of a beam of light
Checking itself out
In a tiny mirror
At 600 million miles an hour
What the fuck?–as the light bounces back–This is NOT A DREAM?????

We Made This

Be careful the company you keep
Everyone carries a dream
Do our dreams produce the magic?
Are you ready for your heaven?
Lifted to a state of being
Only I believed was real
Will you meet me, blissed again
On that cloud designed by us?


A little asian boy, maybe middle school-aged, was totally asleep when I got on the bus the other day. His head was falling toward the aisle where I was standing, so I cupped his head and lifted it back to upright. He woke up, looked at me startled, then moved his schoolbooks off the seat next to him by the window and moved his legs, as if I had asked him to clear the seat next to him so I could sit. "Oh, thanks," I said, happy to have a seat.

I sat down and he nodded off again, almost letting go of his books. Since he had been totally out at the previous stop, I asked him where he was getting off at and he looked around, startled and dazed, to see if it was his exit. He couldn't even answer me, so I asked him "Mission Street? Later?" and he said yes. I moved my leg a little closer to his as he nodded off to sleep again so that his books wouldn't fall onto the floor. About 10 minutes later he woke up, looked at me and said, "Are you from my school or something?"

"No," I said, "I just didn't want you to fall down into the aisle," I said with a smile. He looked confused, and a little incredulous that I should take a personal interest in him if I didn't work for his school. He was quiet for a long time.

A few stops later he stood up to get off the bus, and turned his head to say, "Thank you."

"You bet," I said with a smile.

That was a nice interaction.


Just when you think your mental issues are pretty much resolved…

This evening, a nice young man who I see a few times a week at work sat down next to me while we were eating and put his hand on my shoulder then made like circular motions on my back. It was a very unconscious gesture, much like I have used with the 5-year-old that lives with us, but it had a strong effect on me.

I realize I don't get touched that often, especially by people with really good energy, and it had such a nurturing, warming effect on me I almost started feeling sorry for myself, while instantly craving more touch like an addict. It was like a bursting oxytocin release and I couldn't even think or speak for a second when he asked me a simple question.

I've said about myself that I often fight the urge to start massaging a totally random strangers' shoulders when they sit in front of me in public. I do get to do this with my roommates though, and last night when I did K's shoulders spontaneously for 5 minutes she practically offered to do my dishes for a year to keep going. Like me, she is a bit touch starved right now too.

I was a bit off-ended by the random healing touch received today, which disturbed me. I felt a bit like the neglected Russian orphans, scared of touch. Scared of their own reactions to it.

Either I need to get some bodywork soon or make some more friendly friends. Sometimes I forget how powerful and necessary touch is (even as a trained massage therapist!). Ugh. Wish I was in London right about now…

Jobs in America

Per my need to make $24,000 more a year, I am researching what is "needed" in America!

Here is the complete list of the best jobs in America in 2011: (1) Software Engineer: $87,140 (2) Mathematician: $94,178 (3) Actuary: $87,204 (4) Statistician: $73,208 (5) Computer System Analyst: $77,153 (6) Meteorologist: $85,210 (7) Biologist: $74,278 (8) Historian: $63,208 (9) Audiologist: $63,144 (10) Dental Hygenist: $67,107


I like this list better:

Healthcare, IT, business and finance, education, media/communication (esp. online content)


Of course petroleum engineers and geologists still make a shitload of money, if you like working in the "fossil fuel" industry.

Included in this top ten list is fitness trainers–now that is more up my alley!:


I have zero interest in flossing someone else's teeth.

I have almost zero interest in learning computer languages and networks.

I do love to write. I ought to try doing more with online content perhaps. It would be fun to do a weekly address, like a church sermon almost, and have people be able to comment about it and start discussions. We need a forum in which "young" people can come together to discuss current events and politics. I'll give this some more thought…

Creating Happy

So one of my athletes is now entering a phase where she realized that she has not taken care of her own happiness and instead has lived to please others, esp. family and society. This must be a common pitfall among certain personalities that are natural “givers” and nurturers.

It is interesting thinking about how to rebuild a happy life. I have had to go through this as well. On the way home from Burning Man I made a list of all the things I remembered liking or enjoying doing in my life. I think there were close to 100 items on the list when I stopped. My athlete did the same thing (not on my suggestion!).

There is considerable guilt in pursuing your own pleasure if you have denied yourself for a long time. I denied myself things I liked for two reasons: I shouldn’t be having fun until I was financially successful, and I shouldn’t do anything that might make my boyfriend upset (the one thing I did against his wishes, getting a cat, ended up being one of my best decisions! UPDATE: Also, traveling to Pakistan was against his wishes as well, another great decision!). These were patterns/boundaries I had set up as rules in my games, to no good end!

By dropping my two biggest paradigms/lies that were making me miserable, I’ve entered a whole new year of freedom to be as happy as I design my life to be. Now it’s time to be really creative. “Create YOU.”


So grateful
That the master pastry chef
Is watching over my life
Turning up the heat at just the right time
Patiently waiting while I transform
Not opening up the door
When my cries leave like steam
I know I’ll be just the right color when he takes me out
Stay in here with me
We’ll be so delicious

Teach Me Pisces

Want to be so light and free
A spherical buoy in the cruel ocean
Letting the rich wisdom and history of the waves that touch me
Move me most efficiently
Most purely
Wanna know that I’m floating
Even when I’m spinning
Wanna know that I hit you
With just the right amount of force
Perfectly transferred
Perfectly communicated

Today Stuff

Just announced: 50 billion planets in the Milky Way. 500 million of which could possibly support "life" as we know it.

Chinese New Year parade reminded me once again how cultureless I feel. It's fun being an American and celebrating everyone else's cultures, but what is our tradition? How would someone celebrate America in 500 years? Wearing cheap, ill-fitting clothes from the Gap and wandering around zombie-like from our day jobs?

It was fun to see all the city officials lead off the parade, as if no celebration could occur without a successfully run city. Police got a 3/4-hearted round of applause too. Apparently we have a new (interim? Nonelected?) mayor!

I need to think more about my financial plans tomorrow in advance of my followup meeting with my financial planner. Swallow, good.

Showing Up

You meet me like flashes of light
Bright spots in the gray of my life
I drink you like glasses of water
Always thirsty, I never get enough
Only one like Jupiter
Gravity so strong
Covered in stardust
I get sucked into you