Fitting In

Bursting on the scene
Too this, not enough that
Truth is, we don’t know you
Not sure if we can trust you
What are you all about?

How should I know?
We are 80% our environment and I don’t know what that is yet
But I won’t be awed by your tall buildings
I won’t feel shut out from your cafes
I will make friends
Build intimacy

Go deep and reach for roots
Surely someone here has a heart I can grow with


The planning of one’s life
I much prefer the just doing
The pressure, like a trap room where the ceiling slowly lowers
The narrowing down of options into the retroactively obvious one
The reinvention
I should love it
But I’m tired
And I can’t afford to be

Just Dance

What is beyond our dreams?
When there is nothing to do or be
What is this drive
Does it copulate like I do?
Send me to someone who will open new doors for me?

I dove deep
And I’m not the one, not the one
But I can’t tell them that
When my presence can give life

We are all vibrating
Different frequencies
Gathering to resonate
No, no, no, no
Finally a yes
Don’t water what you don’t want to grow
Fuck your jobs
Make love to them
As if they made you deliriously happy

Except in our country
We build to eat
A game of grow grow grow
But some of us are tired of the game
We want a new game

Where would authenticity take us?
Or is it just testosterone disguised as honesty?
Can I be reduced to my chemistry
My fucked-up overdrive traced back through my bloodlines
Nature rewarding the over-strivers

Ah–never thought of it that way
Nature rewarding the consumer with her bounty
As if it were her idea

But it’s not
It’s a dance
We move, she moves

(Can we trust the hive-mind to lead our steps? Or do we need better leadership?)

I digress

Tonight I’m empty
I have no dreams
This feels like a great loss
Like a pity
So unAmerican

I’m back in high school
An achiever with no community
No one to love
I venture out of my cave
Belong or create

Or can I just breathe

What does unemployment mean
Such a sterile word
So many must know now
Depression/suicide, stress, unhealthy habits, risks of addiction, loneliness, isolation, loss of skills, reduced quality of life, lower pay for all, loss of trust in government/political instability

I feel that pain
I’ve courted this lover
And we all need to keep pulling people out of the muck
Trust in your spirit
Which has a destiny mapped by the choices of your ancestors
Within the freedom granted by your environment

And just dance

Busy place

My mind is a bright and bustling place
Lots of colors and noises and music and pictures
I’ve learned to sit with it in total silence
And you wonder what it is that gives it life?
Could it all stop working in an instant
Can I notice its slow decay?
The chemistry keeps it healthy
Lots of positive happy vibes

Resolutions 2015

Host a Meetup
Attend 1 Meetup/month
Attend 1 event/month
Travel internationally
Call my parents at least 3 times/week
Call my sister at least 2 times/week
Schedule time with niece/nephew and parents (visit Bozeman, Idaho)
Schedule time with aunts/uncles/cousins
Send birthday cards on time!
Send Christmas cards
Print & Hang pictures of family & friends somewhere I can see them daily
Back walkover, progressing toward a back handspring
Take vitamins & fish oil daily
75m hammer throw

Get certified in CPR/First Aid Response

Write blog/poem daily
Read books – 1 chapter daily or 1 book/month minimum
Study foreign language – 15 minutes daily minimum
Daily meditation or hatha yoga
Morning & evening scheduling/check calendar
Create and sell or show art
Finances/Budgeting weekly
Pay off 2nd Pakistan trip