Slowed way down
Agreed to stop standing in bathrooms
Running toward parked cars
Happy to sit
Happy to work
Happy to take a backseat
What am I learning?
Turns out I’m not dropping my gifts
Just disappointing the large audience
Or learning not to
Not willing to be parted from my babies
They deserve at least that
In this world of busyness
All the disdainful distractions from what matters
Why bother breathing if you can’t share all the love in your heart?
No more laboring to feed the rich
My soul cries for more
A dark and wintry melody
Sung alone with a guitar
Cracked my heart open tonight
The shimmering of fresh snow
From golden street lamps between shadows
Underneath a black empty sky
I am small, sprinting barefoot across campus
Holding my stilettos
Drunk and foolish
Running with a new friend I’ll never see again
to catch a midnight movie in time
How vast the night skies, all of them
How fruitless her hills, I went hungry sometimes
The nagging feeling there was going to be nothing here for me.
I cannot stay.
How far away from that time I feel now.
Novels have been written.
I cry for the trials I would face.
How much life would change me
Remembering the hunger that looked like drive
To those near enough to witness.
Many have traveled much farther
Crossing dark oceans with hope in their heart.
How strange and beautiful is this life?
How grateful am I to finally have a companion.
But tonight I feel her loneliness
I feel her emptiness, her placelessness
I feel the cold snow stinging and numbing my feet
And the alcohol warming my heart
For the long and difficult road ahead.
The winds are whipping around tonight
Like mad little goblins
Just when I’m maximum spooked
The enormous, graceful koi fish
Makes an appearance again
It’s my sign to:
A capitalist’s wet dream
Flooded American living rooms
Not a dry eye anywhere
But it seemed a little too perfect to me
Wait, wait, wait
Am I being seduced?
To what am I faithful?
Do you all need seduction?
And what if I refuse?
Can you imagine
How much suffering evolution required?
The gasping of gills choking on light air
The pain of rocks against
Soft foot flesh
The stretching of lungs too tight for thin mountain air
The number of children you had to watch die
What pain was endured to arrive at this
Halcyon moment of comfort and balance
And we take it all for granted
Until we can’t breathe freely again.
How do we make room for miracles?