Self reflection, family, philosophy, and bigger in Texas

I just got into Dallas tonight around 5 o’clock and it’s already been so worth the trip for me. I was the only non-immediate family member to join from this side of the family so I’m kind of the bride’s unofficial extended family representative! It was so nice to see and catch up with them over dinner tonight.

I really enjoyed catching up with my cousin who is now finishing his advanced mathematics education. A Pisces. We managed to combine astrology, religion, and mathematics into a really, really interesting discussion! He was asking me great questions, and sort of translating my answers into mathematical language. We talked about relativity, determinism, and conservation principles as applied to belief systems!

For example, asking me what I enjoy about traveling ended with this theorem that describes me pretty well: when I travel I like to immerse myself in a point of familiarity within the unknown, then expand my familiarity into the unknown. I suppose everyone is like that? But it was a cool way to think about it. For example, when I go somewhere new I like to already have a connection there, whether that is a band that I like is playing there or some other personal connection.

My housemate similarly diagnosed me yesterday when talking about why I sometimes stay in uncomfortable situations or relationships longer than I should: “it’s not enough for you that you know ‘what’, you want to know ‘why.’ He gets me, and he’s only known me two months :-)

Feeling blessed to stay over with an old colleague from Chevron. Eerily enough that makes for three chemical engineers in one house at the same time, counting her husband! Everything is bigger in Texas, especially the homes. This is quite something. I’m looking forward to touring around in the coming couple days.

Hehe: the equivalent of a person walking out of a public restroom with toilet paper stuck to their shoe! This rental car has a luggage sticker on its wheel, rolling out of the airport rental car lot. Cracked me up…


Appreciating the Temporary

I had one of those realizations today that made me think I’m probably getting sick. Walking through the airport I couldn’t help but appreciate what a cool time in history we are living in. How luxurious we have it. How it could all be gone in an instant–in a super volcano, in a meteorite. And I just became really happy. Very open, really loving.

It didn’t last long of course. But for a few moments I was really really happy.

Later tonight, during my nightly hot tub soak under the stars, I found myself really cherishing my freedom as a single person, with the knowledge that this too, was temporary, and probably ending soon. I guess getting ready to go to your fifth wedding of the year can bring on this sort of feeling.

I am going to enjoy one night in my own bed and leave for Dallas in the morning. And hopefully I won’t dream about work tonight.

Sweet dreams.

The Ocean

In the acceleration
It’s dangerous to associate yourself
With those who still believe they are a lone wolf
If you’ve not yet perceived that
Dreams exist in the water between us
You’re in the lonely desert
Creating mirages in your thirst
Aging in the sun
While we splash and bounce in each other’s ripples
The whole world will be underwater soon
And you’ll adapt or die
I did not leave to howl at the moon
I ran back to dive into the ocean
The place we’d visit each night
The abundant source that tosses me around when I fight and carries me when I’m tired
I wanted to be enveloped
Held entirely
and without reservation

A while back

Taking back my voice
Losing myself in the fog
In the crowd
In a dream of another’s making
In a plant
In a chemical
In the party
In a costume
In another land
In an embrace

Wanting now to be found
To rebuild
To just be
To stop guessing
To pierce through the fog
That comfortable Valium