The royal wedding broke a record for the largest viewing audience ever in the history of the world, beating out the previous record of President Obama’s inauguration in 2009 (Source: Telegraph News Article). I was so proud to be a part of that, even at three and four in the morning! I think this tells you something very important about humanity, mainly the desire to congregate around ideals, hope, and success.

Yes, there are terrible things going on around the world, things which deserve our attention. But can’t we have a day at least once every couple of years where we come together to celebrate success, happiness, hope, love, and dreams?

I think the negativity out there just goes to show that we really find in the world what we find in ourselves. Like Mother Theresa said: “Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you.” In this way, we really can change the world, all of us, one person at a time. What if we all took Gandhi’s advice to “Be the change you wish to see in the world”?

You are worried about ignoring Bahraini training pilots who were kicked out of UK flight school for participating in a peaceful demonstration and now are being extradited back to their country to possibly face brutal torture? Then check yourself, to see if you are in any way trying to control or force things too tightly around you. Make sure you have forgiven those who have inflicted control and torture over you in the past. Learn to stand up for yourself in a calm, assertive manner, like the child of the universe that you are.

You are worried about the extravagant cost of a royal wedding at a time when the same country is instituting austerity measures. Examine your own feelings toward money. Do you view it as evil? What is your relationship with money? If it were a person, what would it look like – A monster? A teacher? A beautiful lover? Houdini? Is your relationship with money one of respect, utility, and responsibility, or is it one of fear, scarcity, guilt, entitlement, or laxity? What attitudes toward money are you carrying into every other part of your life? Your work? Your love life? What are you inviting in and what are you pushing away?

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” and you will be able to enjoy celebrating when the world celebrates.

What miracles we miss out on when we are constantly worried about our survival, worried about what others think, etc. Today I finally understand the beauty of baptism under water. What a wonderful symbol for sending you back to the womb, when you were surrounded in fluid, all your needs were perfectly met as if by magic.

If we could remember that although we appear separate, there is constant support for our existence. You are surrounded by air which keeps you alive. There is light from the sun which produces nutrients when it hits your skin. There are connecting energy fields that tie us all to one another on this planet. We are tied via our communication channels, by our thoughts, which create energy waves, which, when produce action, affect others directly.

Life is a force to be reckoned with on this planet. We humans are one of its strongest manifestations in our time. We have the energy of the universe supporting our existence, if only for a brief time. We must trust that our best interests are also the universe’s best interests, and that other humans and life forms are here to make us stronger. The Earth is our new womb.

The other option is that other life forms are out to kill us, but why spend your time worrying about that? Religion has evolved to keep our faith in the universe strong, and now atheism is evolving to keep religious nuts from killing everyone.

Let’s all just take a deep breath, and go back to that time, underwater, when you were nestled in perfect warmth and comfort, trusting fully that all your needs would be provided for. Now, go out and live as if all your needs are already met, today. If that feels too heavy a load to remove, then perhaps you need to say what you need to say, and do what you need to do, to eliminate any feelings of not having done enough, said enough, etc. Chances are you will be a much more happy, productive, and prosperous contributor to society.

“I don’t want to work for pay, but I do want to be paid for my work.”

If you consistently “show up” with your gift in the world, even if others have done it before (or better!), you can create a “tribe” of followers who will support you in your work.

“Books, Art, Music, etc…Everything that’s beautiful is a testament to people overcoming their resistance.”

When you move in the direction of your purpose, you will meet with resistance. That resistance can be one of the most valuable clues as to what your true purpose is.

While cleaning out my room looking for my passport the other day, I came upon this book I had read a few years ago. It is on my book list as one of my “essential” books, a book that changed my thinking about relationships and introduced me fully to psychology as I understand it today. I remember buying everyone I cared about this book after I read it. Almost no one I know tried to read it though!

A valuable thing about this book is worksheets that help you process your thoughts about relationships. Re-reading my “deepest fears” section gave me chills. It was while I was hotly 3 or 4 years into my last 9-year relationship. I listed my deepest fears as: Abandonment, Anger, and Not Being Good Enough.

The thing this book talks about is the fact that we are attracted precisely to individuals that have the SAME relationship hurdles we do, yet they tend to react to those fears in the exact OPPOSITE way we do. So true! I remember after learning this that I felt like I was in my last relationship for a reason…presumably to work out those fears on a deep level.

For the most part, I actually was able to work out the Anger fear issue with my ex. I would repress my anger and he would wear it on his sleeve (a super Scorpio!). I remember being deathly afraid that when I made him really angry that he would hit me (something I experienced as a youth). And yet he NEVER did, not once. However, he would get REALLY angry and it would terrify me. I was able to talk through this issue with him after a couple nervous breakdowns and his anger did not bother me much in the same way after that (however, I probably developed a different coping skill for dealing with the anger, like detaching or distancing, and avoiding making him angry).

Our deep commitment to each other (which lasted 9 years) helped me work on my abandonment and not-being-good-enough fears, however, the healing process in those areas was slightly warped as well! I “dealt” with abandonment issues though rapid, rigid commitment and not thinking or doing anything to disturb that commitment situation. I was fiercely loyal and yet was untrusted in return. That was really dysfunctional and hurtful for the most part of many years. I also felt abandoned in bed! No cuddling, lots of space between us, his leaving the bed during times of intimacy all brought up feelings of abandonment, crazy right?

As for the not being good enough fears, I had found a man who considered himself not good enough for me(!), and would tell me constantly how in love with me and how in awe of me he was and how lucky he was to have me. Compliments about my rear end were daily discussion! This was like a bandaid for my deeper fear, a total validation that in fact, I was good enough for someone, in fact too good! I likened him to a female or an anorexic mindset, always concerned about his distorted body image (he had a near-perfect body) and losing those last 5 pounds. In fact, the first thing of substance he said about himself after a silent 8 months breakup was that he had finally lost those 5 pounds. I was too sad about that to respond.

Humans (me included) can be so pathetic sometimes! I don’t mean that as a jab, it’s just that our brains are really full of stuff that doesn’t help us. We have so many fears that served us once and now they just weigh us down. I really hope my next relationships help me to work out my fears in a more complete way. Apparently it takes a lifetime to really settle deeply back into the loving, connected being of light that is your birthright and womb remembrance.

The book also talks about the different developmental stages of childhood and what you are supposed to “learn” in each stage. Everyone is deeply wounded in at least one stage. I think mine is the ages 7-13 years stage of Caring/Sympathizing/Concern for Others. I remember being 7 years old and singing along with tears to this children’s song on the radio, thinking about my father and his busy work life: “…and I’m only 7 years old. Waiting all day for you to come home, but I guess you’d rather be alone. I’ll put my dollies away, ‘cuz I guess you don’t want to play. Waiting all day for you to come home, but I guess you’d rather be alone…”

Later, until, and after I was 13, my father would have to go to different states to find work. He would be gone for 2 weeks then appear at the house for a weekend. I suppose my mother felt some abandonment about this that rubbed off on us kids. This affected me well into college and into my relationship with my coach, who was often busy coaching other athletes and would only appear occasionally to give advice, which I did not receive well, given my parallel feelings of abandonment.

Anyway, I’m working through this book again, and I hope to find some more nuggets, now that I’m “single,” that will help me to heal better through my future relationship commitments. Onward, to freedom and bliss!

I thought I’d try to write a bill this morning. Here’s the start!