Work till you collapse
French Fries & ice cream
Find a place that doesn’t hurt
And watch a movie
Chase a dream
When you catch it
Rub the fairy dust off its wings
Drop it like a fall leaf
Leave it to die
Then spring forth anew
This is what cats do
When there are no mice to hunt
And their stomachs are full
Swatting at flies
A game of skill and speed
And ennui

I’m one of those people that rearranges their room every couple of months. Part of it is efficiency-so that stuff flows better in and out. But part of it is a kind of boredom or a need for reinvention.

Well I’ve been doing a reinvention of sorts on my character lately, and its starting to get painful. The shaking up of the people in my life since leaving Bakersfield & Chevron has given me opportunities to see myself handle new situations and relationships. I must say I am unimpressed with myself!

I feel like I’ve become more short and harsh with people in general, and I feel like it has already become a habit that will be very hard to break. It’s so frustrating to see your own shortcomings so clearly.

But I hope that I am on the upswing, and trust that love conquers all! I even got 2 reminder tattoos on my wrists to help me remember to love unconditionally and to be balanced.

I see that I can only become a better person through the revelations of my faults, but man, it is a hard pill to swallow.

“Instead of talking about peace and joy, about God, how great He is, or where He is, do something to realize Him. Keep the mind clean. The only requirement to see that peace or joy or God, whatever name you use, is a clean, peaceful mind.”
Sri Swami Satchidananda

Like thousands of other 8-year-olds in the country, I signed up for swimming lessons today. I’ve been telling everyone I’m going to train to be an Olympic swimmer…Just as soon as I learn how! Today was my first time swimming with goggles on. It was awesome! The deep end is so much scarier when you can see how deep it is when you’re in it! My first official lesson is September 7th, their first opening.

I’ve always been told I look like a swimmer (tall, broad shoulders, big flipper-like feet?) so I’m giving it a shot. A stranger I talked to about it asked me wasn’t I too old to start my Olympic pursuits? Geez, all washed up at 28? I don’t think so! It’s never too late to improve yourself, which is what competition is all about anyway.

“The world doesn’t owe you anything. Find the courage–find the strength from within–and you’ll get through life.”

I wrote this on vacation in June:

Military & weapons will be needed to defend peaceful countries as long as despotic dictators exist in the world. Violence is a primitive instinct, and one that must be tamed and avoided, but not at the cost of peace.

Some people like to envision an army of skilled diplomats and mediators lining our borders, but the world is not there yet. As long as there are inequities of power, wealth, and resources, countries will use the spectrum of communication/influence available to them: violence on one end, mutual respect/cooperation on the other.

And a note to the President: Countries are not franchises; they’re startups.

Someone sent me an email once with a saying or quote at the bottom that read something like this:

“Be extra kind in your dealings with people…you never know what they may have just been through.”

It’s the hardest thing in the world to be kind to someone who is rude or angry with you. It brings up our own insecurities and we usually lash back instinctively. It can help to remember that at least 80 percent of the time their attitude has nothing to do with you, and your response does not have to match theirs in tone. Keep your peace!

It’s about to get real
Real fast

We’ve been living a fantasy
Most of us

Our lenders
Took advantage of our
Lust for comfort

And our keeping up with the Jones’

Now the bank’s taking your house
As the stack of bills climbs
No one else will pay them anymore

And the bubble that held our dreams, our wants
Is bursting everywhere

There are new ghost towns
Where dogs have to find their own food

People will see you for what you are
Are you afraid?

“We’ve all been raised on television to believe that
one day, we’d all be movie gods or rock stars…”
Shit, if they deserved it
So did we.

Or did we miss a step?

My grandmother wore $1 flat shoes her whole life.
Even after she married someone with money
He didn’t buy her new shoes
Her daughter, my mother, thought she deserved new shoes
Nice, comfortable shoes.
Grandma raised a dozen children and never complained
She was a good person.
She never asked for new shoes
And never got them.

I always had holes in my socks.
I hated going to new people’s houses
Because I might have to take off my shoes
Then everyone would see the holes in my socks
I thought I deserved new socks.
Mom and dad couldn’t buy new socks.
Someone gave us new socks one year.
I was embarassed.

I hated being dropped off at school in our rusty old car.
Everyone else had a nice car that looked new and didn’t make funny noises
I thought I deserved to ride in a nice car

I grew up and studied hard and bought my own new socks
And I never made my friends take off their shoes when they came to my new house
And I gave everyone rides in my new car
I was so generous
I gave lavish gifts
Like no one had ever given us

Then I moved to a new city
And sold my car
And I sold my house
And I started all over.
And I was a good person for a very long time.
But no one bought me anything.
And somehow I thought they should have.
Because grandma deserved new shoes.

This describes perfectly how I’m feeling today! But I STILL wouldn’t trade my freedom for another corporate job.

"Self-employment can be described as long hours spent dealing with endless tasks in order to maintain a life of financial insecurity that periodically teeters on the brink of disaster."