Time for a contemplative post. I tend to get thoughtful when I’m sick, in this case a throat irritation, probably from breathing in dust/animal waste cleaning out the attic the past 2 days.
On my mind these days are relationships, romantic ones. I’m more and more beginning to identify with polyamory, which to me means that love isn’t necessarily something that needs to be shared/deepened with just one person in your life. I’m finding I have the capacity to love more than one man/woman romantically and doing so is quite satisfying, delightful, and enlightening.
Developing relationships in parallel gives me the opportunity to stay fresh (I can tend to lock into routine/staleness as a default with someone who is always accessible) and work on being the kind of lover and friend I want to be from different angles. It’s wonderful to feel free to meet whomever delights you and see where that relationship may take you. I find that the best-fitting relationships take me closer to myself and my already-good relationships, and the not-so-good ones tend to just fizzle.
I’m still working on issues like judging others for whom they’re seeing and why, or twinges of jealousy, but with self-examination I’m getting glimpses of my hypocrases and slowly becoming more cool and comfortable just going with the flow.
I think that in the past I have not been very discriminatory about who I dated, in the sense that I wasn’t strong enough in my own sense of my needs that I was willing to ask and receive what I wanted/needed out of relationships. I feel I’m getting more authentic in expressing what I’m feeling and not trying to be so passive/observant (another default).