The Environmental Theory of Love

Love is a cycle of meeting needs. I’ve said you can’t actually love someone without knowing what they need. In this case, love is a verb. Many times, we use love in a more selfish way. I “love” him means I feel good around him, my needs are being met, etc.

But love is really the dance of having a mutually beneficial relationship with one’s total environment.

Your house benefits from you living there because you take care of it and keep it from rotting or being abused or taken over by weeds and nature. It loves you back by providing the structure you need for privacy, to keep you comfortable from the elements, etc.

When we become unbeneficial to the people or things in our lives, we start draining the “trust” account. Reciprocity is the sign of a thriving relationship. Both parties are cared for. When the scale tilts too much in one direction, and needs are not being met, the relationship approaches an empty trust and the brink of failure.

Some relationships are designed to end. Mothers stop producing milk, and children move on to new relationships.

So what’s love got to do with it?

When we find ways to nurture our environments and relationships, we build them better for ourselves. Real love is inherently also self-care, as none of us lives without relationships.

Devotion/commitment is the energy that makes love keep cycling. Trust is the currency of love.