You see, I attended a happiness club meeting tonight. Not only was it a happiness club meeting, it involved guided laughing meditation. And I knew about it when I signed up for it! I’ve known about the San Francisco happiness club for at least a year, maybe longer. I had found Aymee Coget’s business card at the office I work at. I was so intrigued by the title “happiness expert” that I researched her and her group online. However, when I discovered that the club encourages members to COMMIT to be happy, I knew I wasn’t ready for that quite yet, so I went on with my life for a while.
Allow me to explain…
I’ve come a long way in the past year. An unhappy relationship finally met its end last June/July. After 9 years I was free to have the kind of relationship I had always imagined would make me happy. I was lucky enough to meet an amazing person 2 weeks after my relationship ended. He was my perfect “type” on paper, and in real life did not disappoint! I was so HAPPY when I was with him. I smiled constantly, and indulged in my happiness like savoring a dessert, enjoying each and every magical moment.
However, unbeknownst to me, another area of my life was making me unhappy, and that was my business progress. At the beginning of last summer, I undertook a huge expansion of my business (akin to expanding a relationship by getting married!), but it wasn’t working out as I had hoped. I was hitting hurdles left and right, with permitting, finances, and feeling constantly burdened by the daily and weekly tasks the business required. I had a very hard time letting it go for 2 reasons: Hundreds of other people were benefiting from the business staying open; I had the idea that I “needed” the business to go well to be set financially. I was “invested.”
The same 2 men that were responsible for “introducing” me to Aymee Coget and for my new relationship happiness began to challenge me last fall about my “business happiness.” Thank God for friends who want you to be happy and to succeed. I was forced to confront my inaction about my business conflicts and came to the realization that I needed to end my relationship with my business in order to make room for balance and happiness in my life. This was not an easy decision, after 4 years of trying to make the business work out.
Until I made that decision to close my business, however, I had been depending on my new relationship for a lot of my happiness. I became a sort of happiness junkie, and one man became my dealer. When I wasn’t getting enough hits (I wanted them continuously, intravenously if possible!), I panicked and questioned the validity of the relationship. It took me several months later to realize that because of my business preoccupations, I was not able to pursue my own happiness, and had been relying too heavily on my relationship to do that for me. When I finally closed my business in mid-January (and said goodbye to my love interest, who had to return to his home country for some time), I began in full-force the exhilarating process of creating my own happiness again, by living the life I wanted to live, one day and one activity at a time.
Therefore, it is with great pride I am reporting that I am finally feeling ready to own my happiness. With each day I am becoming more and more grounded into myself and the life I am creating. It is more ME, and I can’t wait to see what my life will look like by the end of this year.