Keeping the Roots Out

The last 2 weeks has really been a long, unending string of mystical experiences. Was just reflecting about how much life rewards life; was feeling amazed and overwhelmed by the concept, and the next person to drive by me in a car gives me a thumbs-up. I wasn't even looking cute. I just started crying. Sometimes the knowledge of God/connection comes so near that your grip on reality becomes emotionally tenuous. That was the straw that broke this camel's back.

It's fun to set up experiments by which you have yourself on a dating website, or Facebook, and play with the concept of law of attraction. The longer you can manage to keep your personal vibe strong, positive, and attractive (hours and days on end), the more you get "fed" from your contacts in the world. You're like a psychic tree putting out roots.

Now life is starting to get interesting again…This game may not be over yet!

9 thoughts on “Keeping the Roots Out

  1. I would call it, "Keeping the dendrites out". ;) good luck for your surgery. You are doing a great deal of good, it will come back in forms you least expect :)

  2. How did your last egg donation go? I am curious about how you think you would feel towards a child who you know came out of your egg but you are not her mother. I know its probably a question you have heard a lot but I dont know anybody else personally who is so generous and open minded to donate her eggs, so, I thought I would ask you how it feels like.

  3. Everything went well, thanks :) 34 eggs donated, quite a lot really. This will be my last time.

    I have thought about that question. First you have to know it is not purely generous. Egg "donors" get paid quite a sum for the process. But besides that, I anticipate that I would welcome such a child with open arms. People just want to know they are loved, and origins are probably especially important to those raised by non-biological parent(s). I anticipate that I WILL eventually be tracked down or contacted by these children (at least 6 so far), and I don't fear or have attachments to the meetings. It is a strange time in a strange world we are all experiencing.

  4. Wow. You got me knocked down by that number – 34! You have been contacted by 6 of these children. That is surprising because they must be very young and would probably not understand what it means to a biological mother versus the mother who raises them. Just out of curiousity do egg donors get paid based on their background? I ask this because you already mentioned and I would think so as well that it matters to the couple taking your egg what kind of background the egg donor had. Its definitely a very strange world we are living in. I wonder for things that are yet to come. I am very positive that the world 100 years from now would be way beyond any science fiction has gone. We are breaking all rules of natural processes that have lead us this far. But I think our brain is so freaking flexible that every new generation would be able to cope up with whatever they see around themselves and that would be their reality while old folks (like our parents today and like you and me would be someday) will probably struggle with the drastic changes from the time they grew up to the reality of world around them in old age. I just hope that it all leads to more peace and creativity someday. Once you meet somebody personally, reading their blog becomes so more relevant and interesting than anybody else who may have supposedly more authority over a subject. Thanks for sharing your life on this blog. I have so many things to say over the subject of life and morality but do not have guts to put them up on my blog in the fear of how I might be perceived by my friends and family in India. I fear I have very radical opinions. I am happy to see that you put things up so frankly here, may be someday I would have enough courage to be do so myself. I hope you find my comments useful and not a pain. And I have no hidden agenda, I like your blog and would read it as long as nothing else diverts me and believe it I get a lot of diversions :)

  5. haha, thanks Ajit :)

    I have not been contacted yet, probably not until they turn 18. There have been 5 successful pregnancies that I know of, likely at least 6 when all is said and done.

    Although each time at least 20 eggs is donated for the couple, they freeze what they do not use.

    The payment is a standard rate based on the agency, once you are accepted as a donor, which requires academic and health standards. Usually 6-10K per procedure.

    I initially started my blog with the idea that sometimes I have "memorable" thoughts that I later want to reference. Kind of a digital notepad, or a calendar for my own thought process. I have mulled over how personal I wanted to make my blog, i.e. how much information to reveal. Putting down your thoughts exposes your humanity and folly and naivety and all that, and opinions which are ever subject to facts and change.

    But my blog is really just for myself ultimately. It is great when other people benefit from reading it, don't get me wrong! But I myself benefit so much personally from re-reading my posts and poems, I almost can't imagine not having it. Why I insist on having it all public I do not know.

    I guess it is in line with the idea that each of is fundamentally unique and weird and why not express yourself to the fullest for all to see? Sometimes re-reading my blog helps remind me of who I am (or at least what has occupied my thoughts) year after year. I don't believe anyone in my family or anyone hyper-judgmental ever reads my blog, so I don't have that particular fear!

    I think we are heading toward an age of greater and greater transparency so why not get a head start! ha

  6. Just to bring a closure to this fascinating thread, I think technology which is taken as a big enemy of humanity today for most part is gonna free the mankind from the clutches of diseases, control and taking us to the realm of creativity and happiness that we cant see yet. Internet, democracy, free thought is a combination never seen before and I believe a good idea can nullify the effect of 100 bad ideas. So, as long as 1% of people are dedicated to a better world in smaller and big ways, it would do it! :)

  7. Yes, it is funny how we fear connections yet crave them. I agree! Also, btw, watched The Fountain last night. Great visuals…need to see it again tonight I think ;-)

  8. I bet that you are gonna enjoy The Fountain a lot more on second viewing. For me it peaked on an incredible high on the third viewing :)

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