I'm attempting to tame my neuroses and process the many changes that have happened in my life the past four months:
1) Expanded my business
2) Ended an unsatisfying 9 year relationship that had given me a false sense of grounding and direction
3) Stopped vegetarian diet
4) Tried online dating. Went out on a date for the first time since age 21. Opened up a new world. Now having a steady string of crazy, beautiful, terrifying, enlightening experiences.
5) Went on a cleansing regime. Stopped taking BC hormones. Body changed.
6) Spent a week exercising out in nature 8 hours/day (Yosemite).
7) Went to Burning Man, i.e. drove 7 hours into a desert and survived a week in a psychotic city full of total strangers. Learned new emotional coping techniques. Opened heart. Dropped some more baggage.
8) Became very poor and learned a financial lesson that my college and post-college wealth had prevented me from experiencing – the hard way.
7) Reevaluated the path I am on! Am I still where I need to be?
I'm still reeling but getting by day-to-day the best I can. It's kind of like re-learning the world and its rules all over again. New paradigms are being built. Hypotheses tested. And it feels late in the game to be doing it, but then you look around and realize it's being done constantly, by everyone. We are all an ongoing giant iteration. Molecules bouncing off each other, expending energy and initiating equal-but-opposite reactions. Clinging to comfortable lies and avoiding painful truths as we keep bumping into people that propel us ever further along. The less we focus on the "ego", or ourselves, the more we are able to truly give and have fulfilling relationships. Interesting exploration.