Tonight seems like a good night to vent.

On “vacation” in Montana for my cousin’s wedding. It was a truly beautiful event, the third fantastic, love-filled, happy wedding I’ve attended this year. One of the highlights for me was being asked to dance by a cute little 3-year-old blonde thing. She was shaking it on the dance floor all night long like she just didn’t care, quite an inspiration to me, and to the many in the room who didn’t risk dancing for fear of looking “silly”. I got rid of that filter a LONG time ago, but it was still refreshing to see the exuberance and innocence of someone completely lacking any filter and just dancing for the pure joy of it (always my goal).

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about courage and being useful in the world. The world seems to really reward people who have the courage to pursue their passions ardently. The world certainly doesn’t need any more wallflowers who wait their whole lives for someone to wave a magic happy wand over their stagnation. I’ve reached a new point of
decision. I’m coaching athletes at the university level, I started up a massage referral service, I started an athlete promotion/education business, I educate and offer affordable legal plans to friends and family, I lead hiking tours of my neighborhood occasionally, and I park cars valet for special events around the city at least once a week. However, I’ve managed to set up my life so that I cannot pursue any one of these interests with full passion and dedication, which inevitably leads to me feeling like a wheel-spinning headcase. This may turn into a scheduling opportunity, or a delegation/leverage opportunity. I cannot let myself become extended, broke, and unhappy once again. My new game is to be wealthy, and damn it all to hell if I can’t figure out some way to be ridiculously abundant in my life. :-D

I’ve been feeling extra grateful for the men in my life, particularly those I’ve dated in the past year since entering the dating game again. Each one has opened my eyes to deeper happiness in a different direction, and I’m just so grateful to have had the experiences I have had. I had to wait nine years to have the courage to date around, and I’m so glad I took that plunge with an imperfectly patterned mind, but at least with an open heart. Sometimes I feel like I’m driving a machine without a manual or a map, but I just don’t care :-) It’s important for me to learn to love deeply, freely, and passionately. I believe once I’ve come sufficiently back into myself that way I will be given the chance to be blessed with a family to share and propagate that happiness with.

Taking in the hot tub under the chilly, starlit Montana sky one last time…to really living!