The Life I Never Wanted

I ended up with the life
I never wanted

I wanted to be a teacher.
I wanted to settle down and make babies
Right after school.
I never wanted to wear a suit
To work
Or sit at a computer all day
I never wanted a career
I never wanted to be someone’s boss
Or waste my time counting money

I wanted a simple life
Full of friends and family
But somehow I made it
And now I’m somewhere inbetween
Who I am not
And who I wish I was

Part of me had to test the grass on the other side of the fence
Just to see what it tasted like
Now my head is stuck in the barbed wire
And the cowboy isn’t nearby.

And I feel like a failure
Because I took a full plate
And didn’t eat it all
And I want to run outside and play
But Dad says I have to sit at the table
And finish my food
Because in some parts of the world
People don’t have any food.
And I’m lucky to have good food.
So I have to finish everything on my plate
Even if I throw up at the table.

I wasted my talents on aimless ambition
But hindsight is 20/20.
What have I done?

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15 years ago

I wanted to be a teacher, an astronaut, a pilot, a soldier, and an astronomer. I was too fat to be a soldier or an astronaut. I didn’t have the money to take flying lessons. Expectations were so high to take care fiscally of all the family because “I had the brains.” Now I’m back to what do I want. I’d like to live in a little 3 room green house with a garden, a lab, a telescope, some papers to grade, and a scooter. Your poem hit home. Yet I’m still behind a computer screen working for Uncle Dave.

15 years ago

Are we some kind of cosmic matter-anti-matter twins???
Well, keep the faith…we’ll get there Hana!