Yoga-inspired thoughts of the night:

Tonight, I find it unfathomable to believe neither that we are an unlikely, complex configuration of stardust, nor that we are the product of some intelligence far superior to ours. It hurts my project manager’s mind to have no definite beginning nor end in either story of our existence.

Perhaps that is the burden of coming into your current configuration at birth, watching others be born and die for 75-120 years, then dying yourself: You personally experience beginnings and endings so frequently, but you can never recall the experience of the eternity that passed before you, nor can anyone describe to you the eternity that lies ahead, so it is very difficult to dwell on the subject of eternity. Surely it all started somewhere, or surely it will end, but it won’t, and it pains me to imagine that.

When you think about things like this, it blows your mind when you stop yourself and say, THIS IS ACTUALLY MY REALITY. WE REALLY LIVE ON A BLUE GLOBE FLOATING IN A BLACK UNIVERSE, BUT IT’S ALL JUST LIGHT and ENERGY PULSING IN ITS TEMPORARY CONFIGURATION, BEFORE IT ALL COLLAPSES UPON ITSELF AND STARTS A NEW CONFIGURATION.

In your next immediate configuration, your flesh will split into many random molecules of dirt or dust. How does it feel to be a piece of dirt or an ash? Pieces of your skin fall off every day, but skin or dust or dirt don’t FEEL anything–your conciousness doesn’t go with them. They just ARE. They don’t think, they don’t feel, they don’t reason, they just exist, until they don’t. And you might be lucky enough one day that your body’s molecules become a diamond, or a sandy beach, or they might become food for some maggots and worms and support some other form of life on earth as we know it.

And where will your conciousness go? That constant recording device? That ability to judge and cause movement? That incessant voice inside your head? I assume it goes to a similar place it goes every night, between your dreams: back into the vast, silent, pulsing universe. The universal AUM. The place that rocks, wind, and water know better than any living plant or animal or human. The place without drive or impulse. The place of just being, just existing, just being carried along to the next phase of configuration.

And then one day, far in the future, all your molecules as you knew them, the ones that became soil or nutrients, will one day be melded together with everything else in the universe in one dense, unrecognizable ball, and explode into a new, beautiful, colorful existence unlike anything we could experience. And maybe you’ll come back with a new conscience, or, more likely, you’ll come back with a deeper, more profound connectedness to all things and all energies, and float around in harmonious oblivion.

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