Psychology

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I am fascinated with the subject of psychology. My education consists of reality TV, Dr. Phil, Oprah, and a couple great books: Keeping The Love You Find by Harville Hendrix, and Hands of Light: A Guide to Healing Through the Human Energy Field by Barbara Brennan. So I'm not even remotely qualified to speak on the subject, but I still feel compelled to share what I've learned, because I think my understanding of psychology has made me a better & more tolerant person.

I believe the whole of psychology boils down to the fact that we are intelligent, adaptive beings that deal with what life hands us by changing ourselves, actually inventing defenses and habits that keep us alive and make us feel safe & protected.

This would all be fine, except for the fact that we have to get along with each other, and since every life experience is unique, the way one person approaches a situation will sometimes be radically different than, or clash with, the way other people deal.

This is where the "crazy" word comes in. Dave Chapelle said it best, that by calling another person crazy, you have made a choice NOT to understand them. He pointed out that calling someone crazy is dismissive and hurtful. An important aspect of meaningful communication, according to Dr. Hendrix, is acknowledging that the OTHER person's point of view is valid BASED ON THEIR PERSPECTIVE. You don't have to agree, but it is important not to call someone crazy because no one would purposefully do something they thought was crazy. That would be crazy.

Understanding why you react the way you do to situations is key to being able to love yourself, key to your own sanity and happiness, and helps you interact with others in a more meaningful way. Understanding why OTHERS act the way they do makes you more compassionate, which usually attracts people to you in a positive way.

 

Nearly everything I've read talks about how important our childhood experiences are in shaping our character defenses. This is because when traumatic things happen to a child, a child can react only on the instinctual level, like their survival has actually been threatened, and they will use defenses that are sometimes very extreme.

The problem is that, unless the adult recognizes and "deals" with their childhood "wounds", they will subconciously try to keep protecting that child within, even though THE ACTUAL THREAT IS GONE. Our intimate partners then become the closest victims of (but are often attracted by) old patterns of child-like tendencies.

That's not to say all our "wounds" are necessarily bad things. You will never be that child that you were in the womb, and how boring would it be if we all had perfect, pleasant lives? Understanding your unique habits, feelings, & tendencies can help guide you into the career that suits you best, for example, or the partner that suits you best. It is only necessary to change the habits, feelings, or tendencies that interfere with a healthy, successful life.

I wanted to present a kind of review, or summary of the 2 books I mentioned above. Both are fantastic attempts to group people's reactions, or "character defenses," into a few understandable categories. I encourage you to see which categories describe you best. In this knowledge, you will discover your particular strengths and weaknesses. And, as Oprah says, "When you know better, you DO better." You can DECIDE what kind of person you want to be from this point forward, and you can DECIDE to confront the pain of your past and deal with situations from this point forward AS AN ADULT. Easier said than done, but growth is always well worth the effort.

In Hands of Light, Brennan divides her Character Structures into 5 categories of people. Which one(s) are you? Does anyone you know personify these traits?:

5 Major Character Structures
Stage of Life
Before or at birth
Babyhood Feeding
Early Childhood
Masochistic
 Autonomy Stage
Rigid
 Puberty Genital

(Fyi, I'm mostly Oral & Masochist!)

What I love about Brennan's book is that she describes how your experiences shape your actual body type, and how your energy centers/energy fields are affected. In the summaries, I didn't go into the chakras very much. Read the book for more details there.

In Keeping the Love You Find, Hendrix divides his Character Structures by the stage of childhood in which that person received the most injury or trauma:

6 Stages of Psychological Development
Stage of Life
Attachment
 0-18 months

Exploration

 18 months - 3 years
Identity
 3-4 years
Competence
4-7 years
Concern
 7-13 years
Intimacy
 13-19 years

 

(under construction)