My Poetry
RELATIONSHIPS ARE COMPLICATED
~3~
Dear Chris
I had no choice but to hear you. I thought about it. You ask how my day was. You’ve already won me over, in spite of me. So don’t be alarmed if I fall head over feet, and don’t be surprised if I love you for all that you are. I couldn’t help it. It’s all your fault. You’re the best listener that I’ve ever met. You’re my best friend–best friend with benefits. What took me so long? I’ve never felt this healthy before. I’ve never wanted something rational. . .
Oh baby, baby, I’m so into you. You’ve got that something, what can I do? Every time you look at me, my heart is jumping, it’s easy to see. You drive me crazy, I just can’t sleep. I’m so excited, I’m in too deep. Crazy, but it feels all right. Baby, thinking of you keeps me up all night. All of your friends say I’m just too young for you, but tell them I can do what girls their age can do.
Could you whisper in my ear, the things you want to feel? I’d give you anything to feel it coming. Do you wake up on your own, and wonder where you are, and live with all your faults? I want to wake up where you are. I won’t say anything at all, so why don’t you slide–we’re gonna let it slide. . .
I feel so good when I’m in your arms, so free, so warm, so yielding. . .And I’ll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete. Put your arms around me. What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful. Oh, do you wanna get married? Run away? I want to wake up where you are. I won’t say a word. Why don’t you slide into my room and we’ll run away, run away, run away. . .
Boy, I know you want me, I can see it in your eyes. ‘Cause each and every time you need me you give me signs, but when I ask you what you feel you hold it all inside. If you want to be with me you’ve gotta keep it real. Tell me what’s going on, tell me how you feel. Tell me you’re so into me, that I’m the only one you will see. Tell me I’m not in the blue, that I’m not wasting my feelings on you. If you keep on acting this way, you’re going to lose my love. I don’t have time to play–better hurry up.
You won’t admit you love me and so how am I ever to know? You always tell me perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. If you can’t make your mind up, we’ll never get started. And I don’t want to wind up being parted, broken-hearted. So if you really love me, say yes, but if you don’t, dear, confess. And please don’t tell me perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
Each little mystery is safe in your heart, but you’ve gotta wonder, is moving on the best that you can do? You need to have a little conversation to find the truth behind the questions that are haunting you.
There’s so much room in here, we can put our feet straight out the dash. You turn the radio on and I pull you close to hear you laugh. I say there’s motivation tucked into the crease between the seats. You look through the box for cigarettes, maps, and keys. I rest my hand along the space between your neckline and your back. You can feel my fingers running through the feelings you didn’t think you had. Maybe this road we’re on’s the very thing that’s come between us. Maybe it’s the highway to the very place that might just save us. Each little mystery is safe in your heart, but you’ve gotta wonder, is moving on the best that you can do?
As I think back to the beginning we were together, we both loved sports, long walks, and autumn weather. Both wanted kids and a family, your strong personality, I liked the way you handled me. Candles were lit, mood set, food set, You ready yet? That’s what you said while you were massaging my head. And I knew I could never leave you lonely, ‘cause the love you showed me had me feeling like you already had known me. Use your mind, is what you told me, kissing me slowly. Never was the loud type, always on the low key. A pretty style, but rugged, and damn, a brother loved thee.
Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know that something wasn’t right here? I’ve got the feeling–there’s no concealing just what it is that’s on my mind, I know that I’m losing you. There’s no pretending there’s a happy ending, this story’s closing and there’s nothing more. Can it be that I’ve lost you? I need you. I need your love. I’m losing the love that I knew. I’m losing you.
It’s not the way I planned it. Show me how you want it to be. Tell me baby ‘cause I need to know now. My loneliness is killing me. I must confess I still believe. When I’m not with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign–hit me, baby, one more time. Boy, you’ve got me blinded. Oh pretty baby, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do. Show me how you want it to be ‘cause I need to know now.
It’s so hard to keep my sanity. My friends said don’t sleep, but I did, so now I’m reaping. All my mind, all my soul from the very start. I gave you full control, and you broke my heart. I loved you more than anything. I wanted us to be one flesh and one bone. Birds of a feather are supposed to fly together, but I guess that don’t apply to birds of your kind. Now all I can do is sit back and reminisce, look at the pictures in the frames. Why’d you play the game?
No use me staying; no use me saying, or begging you to change–I know that I’ve lost you. My heart is breaking; the time is taking our love away. I see it fade, and with it, my happiness. I can’t believe it. I won’t believe it. I won’t accept your love is gone just when now more than ever I need you–I need your love. I’m losing the love that I knew. I’m losing you.
Think of me, think of me waking–silent and resigned. Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind. Think of all the things we’ve shared and seen–don’t think about the things that might have been. Recall those days, look back on all those times, think of the things we’ll never do. There will never be a day when I won’t think of you.
Think of me fondly when we’ve said goodbye. Remember me once in a while–please promise me you’ll try. We never said our love was evergreen, or as unchanging as the sea–but if you can still remember, stop and think of me.
I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone. What goes around comes around. You love, you learn. And sooner or later it’s over your shoulder.
(April 28, 1999)
Lyric Credits
Alanis Morisette – Head Over Feet
Britney Spears - Crazy
Goethe - Faust
Goo Goo Dolls - Slide
Destiny’s Child – No, No, No Pt. 2
Doris Day / Cake– Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps
Seven Mary Three – Each Little Mystery
Britney Spears – Baby, One More Time
Will Smith – I loved you
Lani – I’m Losing You
Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera – Think of Me
Alanis Morisette – You Learn
Seven Mary Three – Over Your Shoulder