Standing on the plateau
Surveying the grandeur
Of the valley of my desires
Blooming now in awe-inspiring detail
I look around and nod
It is good

This week involved a bit more creativity. I bought some gluten-free flours and experimented with banana quinoa-flour muffins and banana bread. Amazed to learn that 3/4 tsp. stevia = 3/4 C. sugar in a recipe, for same amount of sweetness (without the crack-like high nor addiction, however). Banana muffins were slightly overcooked (gluten-free recipes don’t take as long to cook, major bonus!) so were not delicious.

Banana bread was ALMOST good. That’s a high a compliment as I could give it. Unfortunately, without the sugar the dough is not as tasty, so any slight undercooking brings out the flavors of the flour (chick-pea flour stood out, not in a good way). Maybe coconut and rice flours would be better ideas for this bread. I am a bit of a banana bread snob and cannot tolerate odd flavors. It needed more than 2 bananas, too. But it was quite delicious as french toast the next morning, and found a Rice-Pecan gluten-free, sugar-free bread at Rainbow that was also delicious as french toast.

This diet seems to have made me more alcohol-sensitive. Went out on Valentine’s day and was highly intoxicated after just over 3 drinks. Ate half a cliff-bar powerbar in my toxic state (which I knew contained sugar but was the only food around), and proceeded to vomit it all up, so that was a blessing in disguise, at least for the diet, haha. Two drink limit from now-on. Good thing my date was cool and understanding.

Met a woman in her late forties, I’m guessing, mother of two, with beautiful skin, totally healthy, and she said she was just on her first week of gluten-free and sugar-free after the holidays. She said she feels much better, less bloated when she does that. When a beautiful person tells me what they do to stay healthy, I listen Also reference: www.rosecole.com

Anyway…

That reminds me of the most beautiful girl I had ever met. We met at a summer camp in Montana. She had perfect skin and teeth, long, lush dark hair, and was so gorgeous that boys our age would not dare approach her, so she seemed to be alone a lot. I befriended her like a little puppy dog, and one thing she said to me made an impression. I was eating a piece of candy, offered her one, and she refused. She said she only has about 5 pieces of candy a year. A YEAR. Basically, she never ate sugar. I thought that would probably be impossible for me.

So, keeping on with my beauty diet…ha

Also, I’ve been eating Omega-Three eggs and taking fish oil, and no more bumps on the backs of my arms, yay!

It took a dose of 5-Hour Energy drink (caffeinated, couldn’t find decaf in 4 stores on entire campus) for me to understand what Lil’ Wayne was talking about: “Fuck the world, and get a child out her.”

Well, I’m sure he meant something a little different, but it started to make sense to me like this: There’s a human tendency to take the path of least resistance, go with the flow, don’t rock the boat, keep on keeping on, etc., that is obviously prevalent in every day life (and ripe with cliches). We see this in government, we see this in some of our parents, we see this in the older generation doing things the way they’ve always been done, resisting change, resisting improvement.

Fucking requires a level of energy beyond that.

School is a place of hope. Universities are a place of “I want to move to another level.” Education necessarily requires us to put energy in in order to get something out. Not unlike the passionate act of, shall we say, making love, and creating a child.

But how many people do you see “fucking the world”? Seems like most are still trying to survive it, like it’s some kind of abusive relationship or something.

To get something that no one else around you has, you have to be willing to do something that no one else around you will do.

If you just pictured smuggling 50 kilos of cocaine across the border in a private plane, try again

Try something passionate, full of love, something scary, something no one else around you dares to do, that will push you to the next level. Then get ready for the next level of awesome.

Thanks Lil’ Wayne…and 5-Hour Energy

First time ever giving up wheat and dairy. I never considered myself to have a “problem” or addiction to these substances but I figure it won’t kill me to find out!

I accidentally had cheese yesterday on day 6. It was in a quiche. The taste of it quite threw me off. It tasted extremely strong, powerful. That was a strange experience. The taste filled up my whole mouth. I actually felt slightly ill after eating it, the taste was really overpowering to anything else in the quiche.

I’m also forced to eat more vegetables in this diet, which I can only imagine is good for me.

Bakeries are out of the question. Whenever you see something that is gluten-free, chances are it is not also sugar-free.

My athlete Isa lost 10 pounds in her first week on this diet, down from 278 to 267. She did not perform quite as well in the 20# weight throw (which requires more counter-balance control) but improved her shot put (which requires jumping ability) to a national-qualifying level for the first time in her career. She also reported having enough energy to get through her Monday classes and was actually complimented by her professor for participating in class (her ear infection is causing her to have to sit up front too, haha).

I have not been keeping track of my weight, but I imagine that I’m not gaining anything and appear to have lost a bit of fat.

The biggest thing I’m noticing is that I never feel “full”. You know, that kind of sick feeling like you can’t possibly eat another bite and you feel kind of uncomfortable. I just don’t feel that way after cutting out bread and dairy and sugar. I just feel satisfied, not yucky. That’s pretty cool.

We’ll see if I can continue to say no to pizza and ice cream for the next 5 weeks…

This kinda seemed like good advice:

“Well, if you are missing any of the following points, then it’s possible you haven’t found your true soul mate yet, although you might be perfectly happy with the person you are with. (Assuming you are already a couple…)

If you find yourself gazing at the person you have chosen and realize that absolutely nothing about their physical appearance jars in any way, their ears aren’t too small, that hint of a bald spot doesn’t send you screaming in the other direction, the way they walk doesn’t make you feel like a zoo-keeper, or their profile, showing a beautiful roman nose sitting prominently over a rapidly receding chin doesn’t inspire you to buy a gift certificate for a plastic surgeon, then you might possibly be looking at your soul mate.

When you realize this person inspires you to improve yourself, encourages you to reach for goals you previously thought beyond your capabilities, fosters a sense of self worth, or helps you to overcome obstacles so you can fulfil your expectations and not theirs, then you might be looking at your soul mate.

When you find comfort in their presence, not their absence, are treated with the respect that each one of us rightly deserves, have the freedom and safety to do your own thing without reprisal, and if they accept your gestures or overtures of affection with love and warmth instead of impatience or disdain, then you might be looking at your soul mate.”

http://enellelamb.hubpages.com/hub/Have-You-Met-Your-Soul-Mate

I fell deep in Love *with* you
Now I’m so in love with Love
I just wish that you would join me
Tell your heart to meet me there…

Princeton research vs. corn industry. HFCS is different than sugar. Do we know why yet? No. http://www.princeton.edu/main/news/archive/S26/91/22K07/

The signs are all saying do less
Not sure where my simple life ended
If I could start over
I would
But I can’t
So I visit there looking for clues
Just keep writing and it will all make sense
It’s shaping up like a storyteller’s life
Full of fortune, misfortune, and risks
Laced with romance, rose-glasses, and chances
Tempted to hold out now for the apocalypse
Throw all my big plans to the winds
Because uncertainty’s closer than my lover
And makes me cry in love’s afterglow

2/8/12 Update:
WorldPay Sucks Much Less. A corporate customer service rep called me after finding this blog post, agreed I was treated unfairly, apologized, insisted this is not how WorldPay likes to do business, and credited me back my early termination fee. Woo-hoo! Thanks interwebs…

Original Post:
I learned a valuable lesson recently I wanted to share with you: Have a lawyer review EVERY contract you go into.

You see, Steve Agid of WorldPay managed to rope me into a 3-year contract without my knowledge. If I had just called my lawyers and had a full copy of the contract for them to review (he never offered me a copy), I could have prevented this unfortunate situation.

We met in person, and he sketched out on a yellow notepad the “details” of the WorldPay agreement. After later informing him that I was surprised and dismayed to learn of the 3-year contract, he swore that he always writes down and circles the length/term of the contract to prevent any misunderstandings (like “this”). Well, he simply didn’t write it down that day (picture attached). When I showed him these notepad scribbles (I keep everything) he chose to ignore my email.

He was previously made aware via email that my alternative credit processor was PayPal, which is a month-to-month service, and he was aware that my business venture was experimental in nature, therefore I never would have agreed to a 3-year term had I known that was his game. I definitely wouldn’t have agreed to a 3-year term with a 90-day notice to opt-out. The papers he drew up for me and had me sign did not mention a term anywhere, so I was lulled into thinking I was safely in a month-to-month contract. This was not the case. My lawyer later pointed out in retrospect that, by signing, I had “agreed” to the small print “terms and conditions”, which references another set of papers that were never presented to me in person, which contained the language about the 3-year contract & 90-day opt out. When I called in to cancel my “monthly” service I was told there would be a $450 fee for cancelling. This situation will cost me over $600 to get out of.

I should also have been cautious when he used subtle pressure tactics to get me to sign up for the service before I was ready to switch. Saying things over email like: “I waived your startup fees for July but it will be much harder to waive them in August”, etc. I trusted him because he was highly referred in BNI, and I understand the pressure of commission sales, but these should have been warning signs.

Whether this was a one-time guffaw or whether he does this on a serial basis I do not know, all I know is that he took my money happily and didn’t care whether I was a happy customer. The service did not adequately meet my needs so I opted to cancel, at which point I learned of the staggering opt-out fee and term length. I gave him a chance to explain, apologize and rectify the situation and he took the low road, accusing me not only of having a poor memory but then proceeded to totally fabricate a conversation which had me knowingly agreeing to the contract despite the risks I had been “informed” of.

This is just bad, short-term, profit-motive business at its worst.

Please consider taking your business elsewhere. At the least, please always use a lawyer and caution when entering any contracts based on someone’s pressure tactics and lack of professionalism in disclosing the entire contract and terms. Sadly, I would not be joining any group where Steve Agid nor WorldPay does business.

Sincerely,
Christina McKinstry

Yellow pad attached

7/27/11
“Hi Christina

Any progress on the voided check or bank letter and a business license of any kind? I waived the two start-up fees ($125) for July. It will be harder for me to waive both ($50 and $75) in August. I need only to have all my paperwork submitted by tomorrow afternoon to get it secured.

Let me know
Steve Agid”

12/1/11
“Hi Steve, I attempted to close my account today but they told me I was on a 3-year contract with a $450 early termination fee. Is this true? If so, why wasn’t this disclosed to me up front? I never would have agreed to a 3-year contract.”

“Christina, you asked me about this when we met at the Sterling Branch. I always make a point of it just so as to avoid this kind of misunderstanding. I usually write it on a yellow pad and would have given it to you.

Most of the times when someone cancels early they say I never told them, even when I have circled it in front of them.

Steve Agid
Account Executive | San Francisco, CA | WorldPay”

Perhaps I’m suffering from a bit of hedonic happiness disorder. Dr. Aymee Coget explains that when you go after something you think will make you happy, after you get it, you will be unhappy again within 3 months. She says you adapt to your new environment then crave more change. This is a “hedonic treadmill.” This may explain what happens to me every 3-5 years. I get really flatlined about the work I’m doing or the way my life looks and want to just shake it all up. I must be extremely impatient because the moment I realized I had hit the environment I wanted after my first “real job” (a nice house, landscaped back yard, nice car), I IMMEDIATELY quit my job. No three months waiting for me!

So I’m wondering how much of my esteemed “ambition” is just hedonic, pointless pursuits of something “outside” myself that I think will make me happy, and how much is truly me searching for my own authentic expression in the world. This is where I’m tripping up today. Hmmmmm.