What? (156/365)

Does God laugh at us
Or cry?
Is he an active sadist
Or a just another observer with some skin in the game?
Does he wave his hand over our planet
As if to summon a crystal ball
And wonder what will be revealed?
Is he an absentee father,
Spreading his seed throughout the universe
And trusting Mother Nature to tend to the growth and discipline?
Or
Does he hide as infinite smallness
Pervading every corner of the creation, hoping to one day be put back together again?
Is God Humpty Dumpty, and we are inadequate?

Forked Tongue (155/365)

How many bridges
Have I burned with my tongue today?
I have revealed my tendencies
My instincts
That make me me
But separate
Me
From
You

I Still Need Exercise (154/365)

For every action
An equal and opposite re-action
So high on kiddie crack
I ran to the gym
And now I am depleted

I love lifting heavy weights
When my mind has outrun my body
Both need exercise to thrive
If only I could contrive
A more perfect system

Where I plan
My mind's and body's work
Then food and drugs
Won't rule my life
And peace might come more naturally

Sputtering (153/365)

I guess I feel like a bottle rocket
That spiraled out of trajectory
And hit a wall
All this fire
All this energy
If properly directed
Would've shot to the moon
And burst out in glory
Where it could have been admired
For its speed and drive
And the heights it reached
While its dying embers bathed in moonlight
Satisfied
But instead it sputters and spins and wastes its power
In ten different directions
Panicking and causing fear
Before dying a dud
Thank God for a boyfriend and friends on the ground
So I know which way is up

The Process (152/365)

Find joy in the process
There are no mistakes
Though you don't know the end of each path that you take
Give thanks even though your testing seems long
In darkness remember a song

Trust in the process
That brought you this far
Come sunny days, fog, rain, or cold 
And when you are tried and purified
You will shine like a medal of gold

Adapted for my Athletes from "Rejoice in the Lord" Hymnal, 1978

Work in Progress (151/365)

Delicious temptation
To run and not look back
Full speed until heart attack
Smoke lungs until black
Sweet escape
In a fast song
A swig of muscat
A fork on your tongue
To be one with the moment
One with the future
Slave to an idea
Trapped in your words
Men aren't born perfect
We all need training
Don't be lazy
But don't go crazy

Growing Up (150/365)

Easily excitable
I still kill spiders
This too will pass
I assure him firmly
So sensitive as children
We avoid and defend
Far past our youth
When will I grow up

This music that feeds me
A bold melody
Layered over anger
Passion lofting soaring
Escaping the past
Confrontation and defeat
Wealth and pride
My destiny and birthright

Relax (149/365)

No longer sad, worried or anxious
Living a dream, my thoughts are my future
Now that I know that I cannot fail
All I need is the strength to relax

Done (148/365)

Burning alive
I gave all I could
But feeling so frail
I needed a nap
I should have took one
A little sooner

Sickness like clockwork
I needed something
But didn't know what
Stress or relax
Eat or sleep
Now they have won
And I am done

Move (147/365)

I want my finger on the pulse
Of what drives us
How we move as a group
If I can understand an animal
I can deal with a human
Living creatures are sensitive
To our energy
Love makes us all grow
In fear we destroy
Can we steer this boat
Toward truth?

Blessed Again (146/365)

Relying on God or trusting your instinct for life?
I knew I would be taken care of at the last minute
So I was
Is the energy wasted when I throw it around?
All I know is I will live to see another day
My destiny is success
So I succeed without a fuss
Blessed again today
And open to the inner workings

Young Love (145/365)

Soft chemicals stirring together
Your hand in mine
Gentle love and possibilities

Evangelist (144/365)

Don't preach to me
It smells like fear
I'm living in peace
And that's a choice
I drank your wine
It tasted like pride
I shed that coat
Walked a thousand miles
I listened and learned
That I can't swallow love
When it's wrapped in fear
Words ring hollow
From an empty soul
Misery loves company
And I'm a loner

Precious

I just watched the movie "Precious." It was the most depressing film I have ever watched. It was as if the author of the book set out to produce the most horrifying depiction of family life ever written. My heart is heavy and I am feeling like life must truly be a game. We get breathed into a body and we have to overcome its special circumstances and limitations before we can move onto the next level. I feel like I'm outside my body right now.

I thought for a minute about my "wheel of life." Remember my post from 3 years ago, when everything in my life was good except for my health? Fast forward to today and the spoke in question is no longer my health, but my finances. Would you trade money for health? I did! But I realize I am being taught lessons about money I might never have learned while flush (or those lessons may have had bigger consequences).

I also thought about my job as a coach, and how I am so eager to share my knowledge while I am probably the one who will be learning the most out of all of us.

Thinking about how the circumstnces in our lives lead us to ever higher or lower positions depending on how we do in each challenge. Knowing we all have a fatal flaw that keeps us from ever winning the gme and yet we play day after day. Whose game is it?

Expanding (143/365)

Heart open open open
Ribs are tearing apart
Chest filled with helium
Balloon growing filling
Saturn's rings around me
Grow expand sending out
Encompass one and all with love
The one thing you can do

Distractions

A part of this bus rattles at the frequency of a cell phone ring.

You can put on a winter ski hat/skull cap with one hand by snagging it on your chin first.

Bay Area Inventions I Love Today

1. Cliff Bars
2. Craigslist
3. Yelp
4. Google
5. YouTube
6. PayPal

Long Live San Francisco!

Stress (142/365)

False starts
Why didn't I plan ahead?
I love eating breakfast
At home
At the table
I love paying bills
On time
Knowing my balance
So why do I fail?
What circumstances
Need me to suffer?
Will it all turn out better
If my mind stays relaxed?
Or will my punishment be incomplete
Without stress?

All for Love (141/365)

Missiles and homocides
Birds of a feather
Compromise and die
Truth or a lie?
Forgive and forget
Pay your debt
Run and get caught
Live or get shot
Hope falls to deeds
Too many would kill
For love's warm embrace
Forgetting her charity

Seeds of Change (140/365)

I'm a thief
I'm a prison guard
She's fat
I'm not like her
Love plants seeds of change
Not hate or separateness
Which yields decay and rot
Know that a perfect person
Lives inside
And will bloom in due time
With the right care

City Peace (140/365)

If you bump into enough people
It changes you
The colors blend
The connections grow
If you looked into a thousand mirrors a day
Imagine what you might notice
If you really looked
Peace is in your reflection
If peace is what you embody

Wind of Change (139/365)

And don't we all play our parts so well?
Smile for the camera
Who is more easily influenced than a man?
Entirely predictable
So what makes you think your opinion
Will be an adequate impetus for change?
Given the summation of forces
In a man's life
What compels the heart to act in futility
And what drives the heart to certain victory?
Let me catch that wave
Breathe that air
Move in that tide
Let me be a force for change

You & Me (138/365)

I entertain you
You give me freedom
I am a mystery to you
You reveal little to me
We're both heading upward
Side by side
A kiss and a smile
But you burn steady
And I flitter
I light candles
And you watch them from your throne
We are comfortable together
And alone

In Dying We are Born (137/365)

The more I know about love
The farther my journey seems
I feel desperate, I feel angry, unloved and tired
God is making me rely on him
For my rent, my sustenance, my happiness
And it feels like I might die
I won't go down without a fight
So misery haunts me
And joy mocks me
I'm tired of learning
It's too painful
Ignorance must be bliss
I want so badly to be the person
Who writes my poems
Of faith, hope, and love
And not the pitiful failure
Who curses and sulks and grinds her teeth
When will she just die?

Lost in the Aspiration (136/365)

Instead of aspiring for greatness
Aspire to do great things
One day at a time
One task at a time
Come down from the clouds
To the work that builds a man

Drugs and Speed (135/365)

A meth-head rides the bus, skinny arms
In a shiny purple shirt
Her face splotchy and raw
Three hundred years of abuse
Caffeine and nicotine
Breakfast of losers
Bellies of acid, lungs of smoke
Leather skin
I inhale thick fumes
From the truck up ahead
Our foul addictions
To drugs and speed

Trust (134/365)

Love is stronger than pride
Truth outlasts a lie
But pride and lies are easy
Truth and love require trust
That the universe won't fail you

Words (133/365)

A few well-spoken words
Have changed the world
The internet is our opportunity

Deep (132/365)

We all have our tendencies
That keep us from each other
Relationships that get deep
Reveal the armour we wear
Far under our clothes
We more than reproduce
We aren't satisfied with bodies
We must bear our souls
And expose the hidden nature
Peeling layer by dirty layer
Opening the scabs
Until the light shines out pure and unveiled
A glimmer keeps hope alive
Through hard times and fear
Until that sweet day when love conquers all

Movements (131/365)

Seasonal changes
Howl at the moon
Help me help you
Reaching out
Pulling through
Overtime work
Not in the mood
Balance yourself
Time to reflect
Continue or change
Pulling strings overhead

Laundry Process Improvement

An improvement to my laundry process tonight: I first brought up my dried laundry and sorted it into 4 or 5 piles: Things with Legs, Things with Arms, Undies/Bras, Socks, Skirts/other. I then folded and put away one group at a time. For example, I have separate drawers for exercise pants, jeans, non-jeans dressy, non-jeans casual, and PJ pants.

This 2-step process was actually easier than sorting into all my 15-or-so piles at once. It was fast to do the pre-sort, which made for less wrinkles than if I had left them in the basket. I then came back at the end of the day to do the 2nd step.

Onward & upward!

Tired (130/365)

Drop dead tired
Finished
Word slurs
Keep a commitment
Consider it done

A Better World (129/365)

In this corner of the universe
We are all just trying to live
The greatest gift you can give is mercy
To let the bad vibes stop at you

If we all made each other's lives easier
Fewer people might feel
Like fighting to hang on to what little they have

Imagine
If all we could do
Was love and not fear
What peace would reign in our hearts

What sorrows would be forgotten
What blessings we could share

The world we could bestow

House of Issues (128/365)

Dig your way out
From the rubble
Of the house you built
That couldn't withstand an earthquake
Piece by heavy piece
You piled them carelessly
Without a consultant
Without mortar
And now the real work starts

A Stormy Period (127/365)

Weathermen are rockstars
In Oklahoma
When you've seen enough storms
You learn how to react
When evil swirls your way
Like a dark, loud tornado
The only safe cover
Is underground
No use reasoning with a tornado
No use stabbing it with a knife
If it threatens you
Go somewhere you know you can hide
Create some space
To wait it out

Wanting to Let Go (126/365)

I don't want to write a poem
About how it feels to be mistreated
Unloved
Taken advantage of
I don't want to write
About hurt, disappointment
And unmet expectations
I want to be free
Liberated
Unburdened
Whose job is it to discipline?